he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You may now shotgun with the bride
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
