My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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