I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
