On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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