The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize