Sry I called you an 8
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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