i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
