the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
