i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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