I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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