I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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