I cockslap morals
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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