That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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