I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
