ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
