Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Edward fifth and chaser hands
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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