dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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