Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
