are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
