areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
