her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
