im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
