Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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