so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
