Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
