Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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