Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
