What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize