moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
