This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
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God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
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i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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