i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
