break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
