woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
