just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
