I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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