I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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