If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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