he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
