I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
