Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
