He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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