Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
