I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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