I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
