A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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