So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
