She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
