i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
