At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
