Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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