I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
