god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
a search helicopter?!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
