RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
