it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
