The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
