he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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