the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
