apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
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