I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
