my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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