I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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