I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
