Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
