he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
