everyone is single if you try hard enough
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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