Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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