What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
