Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i think i have two assholes
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
