i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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